Have you ever asked yourself – why doesn’t parenting feel more satisfying? Why am I so exhausted? If you’ve ever felt a quiet unspoken sense of disillusionment with the job of being a parent, well, you’re not alone.
Our society offers so many opportunities to enrich our children’s lives and our own – join a club, learn a sport, meet new people, take a class, watch a movie or visit a foreign land. All of these add to the richness of our lives.
However, when there are so many possibilities, unless parents are able to set limits with their children and say ‘no’ sometimes, it is likely to lead to parents feeling rushed off their feet, doing it all and enjoying very little of it. This is known as ‘parent burnout’.
The burnout concept comes from the work of psychologist Christina Maslach who in the 1980s first recognised a syndrome of psychological difficulties in hard-working, high-achieving, idealistic individuals. These people began to experience physical and mental exhaustion, cynicism and negativity, and they began to work poorly and withdraw from the world.
It seems that the burnout syndrome may equally apply to some parents within their ‘workplace’, their homes. These are parents who care deeply about their kids and their job as parents, who work hard trying to be the best parents they can, and they become drawn into perfectionistic tendencies and fears about being a ‘bad parent’ which leaves them feeling under pressure and full of guilt. In response they attempt to be all things to their children, while expecting little in return.
What do you think about ‘parent burnout’?
Is this happening to you?
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Thanks to all for your comments.
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Hi John,
Our 3 children are now 21, 18 and 14, and despite their growing independence, burnout is still possible. Children’s expectations don’t disappear as they grow older and so setting boundaries is necessary and healthy for both parents and children. When a parent sets limitations on their time and availability, they communicate a message of ‘self-love’ and their need for others to respect their boundaries. Parents do not need to feel they must give everything until there is nothing left. This is not healthy and does not teach children gratitude or being ‘other-centred’. Strong families are built on love and respect for oneself and each other. When we give to ourselves, the time, love and respect we need, it fills our cup to then share with others.
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Thanks Bec for your thoughtful reply. Really agree with your comments about boundaries being good for both parents and children. Looking forward to hearing more of your ideas!
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Interesting. I tend to slow down / stop / put a limit – I don’t like to be a slave to my children. However, sometimes we underestimate the effort required to drive them to places, pick them up, and do all the other things we want to get done. It tires me just thinking about it !
We need to think that parents are people too ! Parents have needs – and sometimes we need to take a break from our jobs as parents and just relax – easier said than done.